The Accidental FarmerLearning how to farm on the fly

Depending on the person, family or group you are, what you want to do and what you have to work with, getting started can mean a lot of different things.

The beginning seems like the most work. You know little or nothing and everything you do involves a steep learning curve, but you still have to start.

Doooh!

As a minimum, you require a sense of humour. When you rip the bumper off your truck skidding logs, you need to be able to laugh or you will become very grumpy.  A willingness to seek knowledge and work hard is handy too.  Thrift becomes a necessity, not a groovy lifestyle choice. Bartering, sharing, improvising and trading become a way of life.

Money solves a lot of problems if you have it, but you can work with limited cash resources as we have done and still be successful. There is little doubt that the ability to purchase a $60,000 tractor with 4 wheel drive, auxiliary hydraulics, air conditioning, loader, backhoe, post pounder and other attachments is helpful, there is more than one way to skin a cow. An abandoned old tractor and a $9,000 skid-steer loader have done the trick for us. We hire, rent or borrow equipment we don’t have.

While heavy equipment is handy, most of projects on the farm involve hand tools, blood and sweat. Basic carpentry tools, a wheel barrow and a few different rakes, pitchforks and shovels will get you a long way.  For fencing, you can dig holes with a variety of tools. A post pounder is handy too. We use one to set metal T posts. A beater pickup and a good chainsaw are also very helpful.

For beginners, barbed wire is a bad idea. It is hard to work with and hard on animals. We have had much better luck with 4’ steel farm fence and a couple of runs of electric wire. A combination of wood and steel T posts makes sturdy fence with easier post placement, particularly in rocky ground. Metal T posts are also handy for temporary fences. We pull ours with a jack-all when we want to move them. You can buy a special tool for that, but it won’t lift your truck or tractor.

Laying hens and meat chickens are a great way to get your feet dirty. Layers need a dry place with perches and laying boxes. It does not have to be a palace. Meat chickens are also pretty easy. If you use meat varieties, it is over in 8-10 weeks. They need a warm dry place and lots of care, particularly at first, but weigh a few ounces and not a few hundred pounds like a young calf, so anyone can do it.

Happy Ewes

Meat birds are also a great way to get your head around the slaughtering process. You need to learn the mechanics, which vary from animal to animal, but you also need to deal with it emotionally. It isn’t that bad when you are good at it but it isn’t for everyone. For those who are not interested, there are locals who will do it and a mobile poultry abattoir that is government approved, if that comforts you. We order chicks by mail and pick them up at the post office after 8 pm.

Whatever you do, start small and take on projects you can be successful at. Start by fencing a small area, not the entire perimeter of your property. Try 10 meat birds first, not a 100. You need to feel comfortable but you need to push yourself too.

You’ll be amazed at what you can accomplish.

Five years ago, I bought 17 acres with a farmhouse, barn, garage/shop and animals. Lots of animals.

The previous owner had left 2 peacocks, 4 geese, a male miniature goat, two miniature horses, 3 sheep, 1 donkey stud, a cat that nobody laid claim to, a very handsome rooster who attacked any woman and 250 pigeons. All were pets. We were going to talk about the details afterward….

I gave the horses away to a good home. If callers mentioned prices first, I put them at the back of the list. If they asked lots of questions about the animals, they went to the front. I traded the donkey and a young ram for two wiener piglets I have yet to collect. With the money I saved on trimming hooves, I am still way ahead. I gave the goat to my book-keeper who likes goats. Sadly, the neighbours’ dogs finished off the peacocks and most of the geese which I kind of liked and would have kept. I dealt with the pigeons. The old ram got made into sausage after he hit me one too many times.

My plan was to buy the property, remove the magnitudes of trash, old vehicles, travel trailers and boats, fix the fencing, kill the weeds, deal with the animals and resell. The price was right, I had the skills.

A year later, I listed the property aggressively.

Then I met a woman, in every sense of the word. She sold her house and now, we farm together. I also became an accidental father to her two beautiful daughters. The best laid plans….not that I have any regrets.

Today, our garden is the size of a city lot. We have lots of manure. Chicken, sheep, cow, pig…you name it. My partner cans, freezes and juices. She makes wine, apple cider and beer, an added bonus. We have layer hens. We raise meat chickens, turkeys, steers and pigs. When we require meat, we raise it. If we can grow it, we do. We purchase hay and grain by the ton. We have expanded our fenced pasture to accommodate more animals. We have learned how to slaughter and butcher and how to wrestle large steers, ornery pigs and cranky rams so we can doctor them. We’ve spent a cold Christmas Eve in the barn with a sick animal. We learned how to get gas out of a bloated calf with a long hose.

It is a lot of work and even when it isn’t, someone has to be around to keep an eye on things. Getting away for a few days, let alone a few weeks, is difficult. Few people are experienced dealing with livestock and finding those who are and convincing them to stay at your home is tough. How do you get a steer back in the pasture when he is sure he wants to eat the neighbour’s garden? What size syringe do you use to inject a lamb with antibiotics and where the heck to you inject it? These are not skills many people have.

We feel blessed for the help and advice we have received from our farmer and veterinary friends; the couple who came and showed me how to slaughter 2 steers and 2 pigs and wouldn’t accept any money; the vet who answers his cell phone when I call at 8:30 Sunday night; the farmer who waited home on a Friday night to give me antibiotics and instructions I desperately needed to save piglets gravely ill with pneumonia.

I hope this blog will help others who are considering or struggling with raising their own food or trying to get a small farm off the ground. Finding help is not easy as farmers are a dying breed and most of the really knowledgeable local farmers could care less about the internet. You have to find them the old fashioned way, in their gum boots, in the barn.